Featuring: Angel Engel

Featured Friday~   Angel Engel 👏

So I'm thinking that I really want to do something different on my blog this year. Friday's- will feature special people in my life. Family, friends, and sometimes my favorite things..
                      This week, I'm a day behind. The snow has seriously thrown me off on pretty much everything, please forgive me.

Let me start by introducing you to my Special Friend Angel.

                

Allow me to tell you a little bit about my special friend Angel. She is one of my closes friends. She is one of my amazing accountability partners. She's married to an awesome man of God named Eric, she's the mother of 3 beautiful children: Heather, Jacob and Emma. She is a homemaker, gym rat, prayer warrior, and the list could go on forever.   We've been attending the same church for several years, we knew of each other, but really didn't KNOW each other. My husband & I taught her beautiful daughter Heather in our Awana class(Bible Club). Heather was a bright young lady, that always kept us on our toes, she knew her stuff. We loved her, her heart was so pure, not to mention the overwhelming love she had for others! Heather was diagnosed in July 2014 with brain cancer.

I HATE CANCER!!!!

Our Church family begin praying and asking God to heal Heather. Of course, I was heartbroken that they were having to go through all of this, my heart was hurting for her mom Angel, Eric and their entire family. I had no idea why I was so emotionally attached. Not just me, my husband was just as attached. I woke up many nights crying out to the Lord on behalf of the Engel family. One Sunday morning in my Sunday School class, I shared with our class what was on my heart. I expressed that someone in our church was in a serious battle, and needed our support. As a mother, I couldn't wrap my mind around what her parents were going through. It's one thing to say "I'm praying for you", but to actually go and pray over an entire family is something else. To show up, take the time out for just them is what God placed on our hearts to do. Our class decided that we would put on the full armor of God, and go to the Engel's home. We stood in the gap, we prayed, we sung, we wept, we declared healing in the name of Jesus, WE BELIEVED!! In the mist off all of this my relationship with God grew & so did everyone who stepped on the battlefield (their yard) to pray for Heather. Let me just say that our Sunday School class became family, THANK YOU HEATHER. I don't think I've ever prayed for someone else like I prayed for them.  I. I had never witnessed my children cry out to God like they did for Heather. They asked for healing every single day, and never waivered in their faith, never went a day without asking to pray for her. Our love for the Engel's was & still is very special. We didn't know them but we knew that they were our Brothers & Sisters in Christ, that's all that really mattered. We just wanted to be there for them. We became very close to a family we barely even knew,  and we enjoyed being in their presence.......

Angel gave me strength every time I saw her beautiful face. The presence of the Holy Spirit was evident all over here. She bravely fought for her daughter while still being an awesome mom to her other children. Everything about Angel amazed me. She walked by faith & not by sight. She was caught of guard many times and wouldn't hesitate to ask for prayer. Her humble spirit, her thoughtfulness, her laugh, the way we cut up singing Karaoke & her BIG heart are some of the characteristics that I adore most about her.

When Heather passed I felt so helpless, all I knew how to do was be there. Watching Angel hold her baby girls hand until the funeral home came to pick her up, is something that I will treasure in my heart forever. Angel is the epitome of a Christian woman. She taught me so much over the past year, and every day I think God for her & her family.

I LOVE YOU ANGEL!!!!  

I miss you Heather BUG

https://youtu.be/E8oGReTlJzI

Unmasked

As I scrolled through some of my post I made in 2013, I'm sitting here with so much joy in my heart.. It's been a long exhausting road, but God is still good, and he fulfills every promise in his timing.  Two years ago I wore a mask, I had no idea I was wearing a mask until the early part of 2015. One day I woke up heartbroken, I felt as though I was living a lie. In reality I was, I taught myself how to mask everything. I would always tell everyone " oh, I'm fine" 😔 a friend just yesterday shared with me what fine meant..the first letter in "FINE" .... F=fictitious..WOW! I'll share the rest soon. I think I actually believed I was fine, but would fall a part as soon as I entered my safe place. Serious Denial.  I felt like I wasn't good enough, my waist didn't define me. But, you couldn't make me believe that. I was stuck in a body that didn't belong to me. Why?? Why can't these doctors figure out what's wrong with me?? Why??? God answered one day very clearly, he said "I'm working on you from the inside out, don't worry.. Surrender Tori." 

 

The more I grew spiritually, the more heavier the burden to be transparent weighed on me. Although majority of my pics looked beautiful on FB & Instagram, there was still a story that needed to be told. I honestly would cringe every time I posted, but I did feel lighter. Testifying to the goodness of Jesus, and kicking out the thoughts that Satan attacked my mind with on the daily.. Several have asked why I share so much, that's just me! FB is a outlet, and even though I may later delete my post, I still released it from thoughts. Although folks don't always comment, I'm approached daily by people who are experiencing/experienced  the things I write about, that further keeps me posting, trust me this is just the tip of the ice burg .

 I finally acknowledged my truth! I just wasn't myself ,even though I felt real, I knew that there was a SERIOUS Spiritual battle taking place. I had so many underlying issues in which many of them are just from the way that I appeared in the Mirror.  Today I have JOY, and God is rebuilding my confidence  as I look  back on my entire journey. 2013 I thought was MY YEAR!! Nope, but God was still working in my waiting. Isn't he awesome.. I feel as though I wasted so much time feeling down, time that I'll never get back.. I just have to accept it & move on. God RESTORES!  Take a look at some of my previous post, you'll be able to see first hand the journey I was on... Lots of ups & downs, BUT GOD!!! My scale does not define me, it has taken me 3 years to lose 50 pounds. Several losses only to shortly regain from doing all these crash diets. Right now I'm learning all about my body, and healthy food/ proper nutrition. I compare pictures of myself all the time. I'm able to physically see what God has done, the inches tell my story, not the weight. I've come a very long way. I still have to remind my self daily that: God said everything that he made was good. 

I'm good! I'm not damaged, this is just another part of my amazing testimony. 

“You have made your way around this hill country long enough; now turn north. The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything. (‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭2‬:‭3-7)

Moving from comfort to courage

 

 

I heard something recently about moving from comfort to courage. That kind of stuck with me, I heard it over and over in my head.  As soon as I heard it, I knew exactly where I would apply it to my life. The area of my life that was responsible for making my days long and my nights even longer. This WEIGHT!!! I guess that was a no brainer. Me myself and food, what God created for nourishment, I abused and used it for comfort. Food could fix anything; food would always make it all better. If you know me, you know firsthand that I've been playing around for a long time. If you don’t know me, keep reading, you’ll get to know me. I've attempted every diet known to man. I found that almost anything will work if I'd only STICK to it. I am certain that this is all a part of God’s plan for me.

I know for a fact that I could've picked a plan, stuck with it and got amazing results.

I sucked when it came to making the RIGHT choices. Shall I eat an apple or a doughnut? That's a no brainer; I'll eat the doughnut and just walk an extra lap. Please!! Who was I kidding? I guess myself. I kidded myself for over 2 years. The same old story, I'll start over tomorrow, and tomorrow turned into Monday. Starting over during the week was unheard of. I always had to start over on a Monday. That means that the entire weekend I allowed myself to eat up everything. So Monday would come, I'd do great until Wednesday. On Wednesday someone might bring brownies to church and of course I'd have to have one. Everyone else is eating brownies in my face, how could I resist? I'd eat the brownie only to get home and feel like crap. So guess what? I will just start over on Monday, that way I could pig out all weekend and start fresh on Monday. What if I mess up again on Tuesday? Ha, I'd have to start over again on Monday. It was just ridiculous, I am just being honest. Most of my days were spent pigging out and feeling sorry for myself.

Food became my best friend. When I celebrated, I ate. When I was sad, I ate. When I felt lonely, I ate. Everything I did or didn't do required eating. Food was always so comforting, so rewarding, and so good. Food replaced EVERYTHING except God.

Recently I found out that I had been placing food before God. OUCH! That really stung, but I'm still keeping it real. I’m really in denial food before God? Absolutely NOT!! Yeah right. Yes, food took the place of God. I didn't worship food or anything but it was always what I ran to. Instead of running to God I would stop by the refrigerator first. Food became my idol, it was important to me. It was my medicine, too bad it was the wrong prescription.

Month after month of cheating, quitting and failing, something had to give. My mind was exhausted, my body ached, my heart hurt and my loved ones grieved. I kept asking myself "What am I doing"? I cried out to God. "God, help me please, I'm so tired"! I was tired, at Rock bottom doing everything I could to keep my head above the water. At just the right time, God answered. He placed me on a secluded Hill, full of Christian women (retreat). For an entire weekend with no interruptions, he made his self-available for me, he was always available, and it was all on me. He held me, humbled me and healed me. I'm FREE!!!

He has given me all the tools I needed to be successful. All I ever needed was him. His word has always been the truth. What is Faith without works? As much as I thought I knew, something was keeping me from deliverance. I had to walk in his promises, I had to address my problem I had to dig deep and get to the root of it all. I did! I had to leave my comfort zone behind. I had to have courage. Courage enough to finally say, enough is enough. Do I want to live and be happy; am I ready to be free from bondage? How dare I continue to live in bondage when Jesus paid an awful price for ME.?

It was time to battle; it was time to move from comfort to courage. I can't explain how good it feels to be free, to be given a choice to really change. To wake up in the morning and give my entire day over to The Lord and to really know that he’s got me. This isn't even my battle. I had fought for months for nothing. No wonder I lost, I wasn't equipped for battle. I had been telling God for months what I was going to do. I thought I had given it over to him but deep down I hadn't. I hadn't gotten to the root of my issue.  I have finally arrived, I'm here with unshaken Faith standing firm. I have Courage to live life for today. I have the Courage to give God my all, every single day. I have the Courage to come clean and to humble myself before him. I have the Courage to write and share this with you today. No longer do I look for something to comfort me, I go to the comforter. The one and only Jesus Christ!! There is no other way, I am confessing boldly that any other way, leads to destruction. Anything that takes the place of the Father is idolatry, I have repented and I Love God more than anything.

Neglect

I feel so bad, I have totally neglected my blog. I have so much that I plan to post soon. Both of my beautiful girls had a birthday this month. School started which includes "football" (3 boys 3 separate teams) and now I'm a way at a women's retreat (Tres Dias). I have plenty to post, and I'm actually getting excited about all the things that are running through my mind right this minute. All in all God is good!! I have no complaints, I'm truly blessed and I love that I'm able to share this with other women. 

A promise to me

I'm working on me. I'm working on building myself up and not putting myself down. I'm working on trusting and believing in my self. I'm working on knowing my worth and giving my best effort to any and everything I set out to do. I'm working on today and my future. Tomorrow is no more and there's nothing that I can say or do to have tomorrow back. With that being said, today is going to count. Tomorrow will count and so will next week, next month and next year. I'm worth the best and by all means I will be my best. This is my note to myself a note to Kymeshea about Kymeshea. A promise to the most important woman in the world, ME!

Me Myself & Lies

James 1:4-6

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. (James 1:4-6 NIV)