Unmasked

As I scrolled through some of my post I made in 2013, I'm sitting here with so much joy in my heart.. It's been a long exhausting road, but God is still good, and he fulfills every promise in his timing.  Two years ago I wore a mask, I had no idea I was wearing a mask until the early part of 2015. One day I woke up heartbroken, I felt as though I was living a lie. In reality I was, I taught myself how to mask everything. I would always tell everyone " oh, I'm fine" 😔 a friend just yesterday shared with me what fine meant..the first letter in "FINE" .... F=fictitious..WOW! I'll share the rest soon. I think I actually believed I was fine, but would fall a part as soon as I entered my safe place. Serious Denial.  I felt like I wasn't good enough, my waist didn't define me. But, you couldn't make me believe that. I was stuck in a body that didn't belong to me. Why?? Why can't these doctors figure out what's wrong with me?? Why??? God answered one day very clearly, he said "I'm working on you from the inside out, don't worry.. Surrender Tori." 

 

The more I grew spiritually, the more heavier the burden to be transparent weighed on me. Although majority of my pics looked beautiful on FB & Instagram, there was still a story that needed to be told. I honestly would cringe every time I posted, but I did feel lighter. Testifying to the goodness of Jesus, and kicking out the thoughts that Satan attacked my mind with on the daily.. Several have asked why I share so much, that's just me! FB is a outlet, and even though I may later delete my post, I still released it from thoughts. Although folks don't always comment, I'm approached daily by people who are experiencing/experienced  the things I write about, that further keeps me posting, trust me this is just the tip of the ice burg .

 I finally acknowledged my truth! I just wasn't myself ,even though I felt real, I knew that there was a SERIOUS Spiritual battle taking place. I had so many underlying issues in which many of them are just from the way that I appeared in the Mirror.  Today I have JOY, and God is rebuilding my confidence  as I look  back on my entire journey. 2013 I thought was MY YEAR!! Nope, but God was still working in my waiting. Isn't he awesome.. I feel as though I wasted so much time feeling down, time that I'll never get back.. I just have to accept it & move on. God RESTORES!  Take a look at some of my previous post, you'll be able to see first hand the journey I was on... Lots of ups & downs, BUT GOD!!! My scale does not define me, it has taken me 3 years to lose 50 pounds. Several losses only to shortly regain from doing all these crash diets. Right now I'm learning all about my body, and healthy food/ proper nutrition. I compare pictures of myself all the time. I'm able to physically see what God has done, the inches tell my story, not the weight. I've come a very long way. I still have to remind my self daily that: God said everything that he made was good. 

I'm good! I'm not damaged, this is just another part of my amazing testimony. 

“You have made your way around this hill country long enough; now turn north. The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything. (‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭2‬:‭3-7)